Sunday, April 19, 2015

it's been awhile.

i had no idea that when i posted about starting my healthy lifestyle three months ago that i would basically be taking a hiatus. wasn't intentional, but you'll notice quite a difference in the look and feel of the blog! the beautiful and super talented Brittany from lifesetsail helped give my blog a little makeover. i switched to blogger from wordpress and i am so happy i did! i just need to get back into writing.
so... a lot has happened since January 6th when i last blogged! i wrote about getting healthy and i sure did just that. since January 5, which is when i started, I've lost 38.6 pounds exactly as well as 18.5 inches all over.
i feel amazing and am starting to feel like i look amazing which kind of go hand in hand in a way.

how'd i do it? i work out everyday and stick to a 1,200 calorie "diet" but i don't call it that because that's not what this is.
during the last 3.5 months, I've had a lot of struggles and bad days. i've been faced with so many temptations and days where i didn't want to do anything but i did. never did i regret the decision to get up and workout.
i have about 42 more pounds to lose and i KNOW i can do it. my family has been amazing and so have my friends. i was asked to be in my friend's wedding in September and so that's my end goal. but my vacation to savannah, ga and tybee island is coming up in TWO WEEKS and i cannot wait. i think i've been counting down since October when we made the reservation. i need a break from my routine at home.
so the other night...i decided i needed a change and my super awesome mom offered to cut my hair. i think she was expecting to only take off an inch at most...but i convinced her to just GO FOR IT and take off 5. it feels amazing!

i won't take such a long break this time, guys! i plan on blogging a lot and reflecting while on vacation and now that the blog is all pretty again, i will keep up with it so much more!

Friday, February 6, 2015

becoming healthy.

it's been a long journey to get healthy. and when i say long, i am talking 7 years. for me, that's a huge chunk of my life that i have spent, for the most part, unhappy with myself. this year something finally clicked and i can say I'm on the right track with no intentions of getting off it.

for some reason i find myself at night thinking back on all the first times i was self aware of my weight gain. i know that sounds weird, like why would i put myself through that. but i feel it's important to remember and it's important to put those pieces together to see why and how i decided to get healthy. i want to share my "firsts" for the sake of letting go. these were hurtful and i find myself harboring on them. but now that i am getting out of my slump, i want to start fresh.

the first time i saw a stretch mark that wasn't on my chest {because, let's face it...i have always had a bigger's a blessing and a curse}. i had just gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed. i must have been close enough to the mirror and i noticed it. the mark was small and by my belly button but it was there. and it was heartbreaking. after that, they seemed to just keep appearing. i couldn't tell you what weight i was when they started but it didn't matter. they had started.

the first time a family member's husband {oh, i could really delve into this one on here...} made fun of my weight. it was a Christmas eve Christmas party...something that side of the family always did. we hosted at our house and i was sitting there eating my dinner when the family member and her husband came over to ask what was good to eat. i replied saying that a particular appetizer i had been eating was AMAZING. he looked at me, then his wife and laughed, "you look like you know, obviously" and they both laughed and walked away. i think that was the first time i was extremely self aware. i always thought family was supposed to look past your physical appearance and lift you up. that's also the first time i was wrong about that.

the first time i went up a size. oh the dreaded and frustrating denial i had been in for months. i swear i stretched those pair of jeans out to the max. i didn't want to have to go shopping and buy the next size...or two...up and have to live with that. eventually i did and i told myself that i would never do it again...but i did...two more times.

the first time strangers looked at my like i was heavier and didn't belong. at my heaviest, i have been able to fit into a size L/XL at stores like JCrew and Banana Republic with no problem. two summers ago when i was at my worst, i walked into a Banana Republic store and was looked up and down and ignored by the store associates the whole time i was in there. i was overly self aware of every move and turn i made, pulling my purse closer to me because god forbid something be knocked over and it be blamed on my size. i plan on going in that exact store when i am slimmer to compare experiences.

the first time i was worried i wouldn't find someone who would love me for me. actually, I'm still worried about this and have a feeling many other women my age are, too. my weight has kind of put a wall up for me and slowly i am breaking it down.

the first time it finally clicked with me that i needed to lose weight and thank my body and treat it right. when i was diagnosed with melanoma in 2013, my life changed. i had surgery that was very painful and took a long time to recover from. my body had been fighting the tumor and had actually shrunk it in size by the time the doctors got it. at that point, i wanted to get healthy. i wanted to be the healthy woman i was meant to be and in a way thank my body for fighting for me. i was going to fight for it. in the summer of 2014, i felt comfortable enough to work out. my shoulder didn't hurt any longer and i was finally healed. so i slowly started. but it wasn't until December of 2014 that i was 100% on board. i mentally prepared...i went to all of my doctors appointments and am up to date on my blood work and numbers.

January 5th was the first day i started eating healthier and working out. since then i have lost almost 15 pounds and an overall 5.5 inches. i feel great but i know i have a LONG way to go. i have some slip ups, but i get in the gym 5 days a week for two hours a session. I'm committed and ready to have many more {happy} firsts.