Wednesday, November 5, 2014

frustration.

I'm going to be pretty honest.
one of the absolute must frustrating things I deal with on almost a daily basis is worry. worry that is attributed from melanoma. every new freckle, bump, or different colorization puts me on the alert.
and then I do one of the worst things ever and that's going on Google.
but quickly, I calmly talk myself out of it and look at my symptoms logically. is that bruise from when I bumped into my desk at work the other day? oh, yeah, probably.
was the freckle by my scar always there? no, but it looks normal and I just had my scan a couple months ago.
and ladies, let's be honest. we all aren't the best at updating our bras when we probably should and those underwires hurt under our arms. so is that bump that hurts an irritation, or is it a sign of cancer.

my mind goes straight to cancer and I hate that it does.
so I wait it out. I keep my mind off of it. I monitor it. but when it doesn't go away, I panic and you can bet nothing much else is on my mind. because last year we all thought the mole was nothing. and then it was everything wrong.

so it's hard when something isn't going away to not worry. and then i'll ask a million questions to my doctor this Friday when I see her and hopefully it will all be okay.

because if there is anything I learned from my whole melanoma experience last year, it was to just take one day at a time. there is nothing you can do today about it. don't think so negatively and drastically. just think rationally and logically and know that the results will come when they do. the doctor is going to give you good or bad news regardless. so enjoy the moment. enjoy the little things. don't let it consume you. because you will drive yourself insane and find your nights falling asleep are spent crying in fear. and really, who wans puffy eyes the next morning? I've had them too frequently lately.

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