Monday, August 4, 2014

the smallest of things.

I miss the smallest of things sometimes of my grandma. they're the things that I'm reminded of randomly and hit me the hardest.

I miss when I would spend the night and would sleep in her king size bed, she would hold my hand until, I'm assuming, I fell asleep.

I miss knowing she would always be there. Anytime I needed to talk, a hug or just company...she was eager to give it.

I miss her insisting on walking me down to the lobby of her apartment every time I left to wave to me as I pulled away.

I miss talking to her on AOL. Yes, my grandma was on instant messenger.

I miss hearing her say I love you to me. And I hate that I had saved all of her old voicemails from her to me, and my phone has somehow lost them.

And I just miss her. And her laugh. And her signing the sunshine song.

I'm having a bad night, can't you tell? And it's so random. So unexpected and it hits me so hard and full. I don't know how to shake it sometimes. It's been almost two years. And I seem to cry harder every time I have a moment. How do you past those? And gosh, how the heck do you keep your throat from hurting while crying?!

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